A couple of days ago I attended a networking event through work about Social Media. Since I spend hours on Facebook and other social media sites I figured there wasn’t much for me to learn and I couldn’t have been more wrong. Not only was the presentation informative and had some interesting ideas but the speaker was funny and full of energy and smiles.
My learning experience although kind of about social media turned out to me more about me. When I arrived the first thing I noticed, I didn’t know anyone in the building and that made me feel awkward right off the bat. We can get right down to the point here, I am afraid of people. I am afraid of judgment and rejection, a trauma from childhood left me with scars I can’t seem to shake and it doesn’t help that there are a lot of mean people in this world to enforce this fear.
So by the end of the night I had spoken to no one, I didn’t win any raffle prizes and even the one interaction with the speaker I could have had was squelched due to lack of business cards. Who knew I would need business cards? Of course I have always avoided having them because if you have them you hand them out and then someone might contact you. That was a scary thought so I have always avoided having them. But this isn’t about cards, no this was going much deeper.
Driving home I realized not one person approached me or spoke to me either so there must have been something I did to repel all those people so well. It got me thinking about my body language and appearance. I don’t make eye contact with people which I think in itself is an invitation to chat and I kind of wandered with purpose so maybe they didn’t want to interrupt my intense deep thought. Whatever it was I didn’t like it one bit and in the end I didn’t like myself much either.
Over the next few days I had plenty of time to reflect being home on vacation and a couple of things came to light. I always wanted to be a massage therapist and recently I had made the decision to go after my dream but when the day came I made excuses to get out of enrolling and moving forward. In being honest with myself I realized I was making excuses and really I am afraid of people.
Once I realized I had been self sabotaging myself the changes could start. But where do I start and why. I started to think about massage school and how excited I was about it in the beginning and how the closer the date loomed the more excuses I had for not doing it this time around. That has gone on for two years now and I have changed what I thought my dream was several times to accommodate my fears instead of facing them head on.
Everyone is different in their belief system and how they choose to pray and accept guidance. I like to put out my intentions and see what the universe says about my plan and yes, I do get answers. I have an open mind and therefore I see the signs that are laid out for me in black and white unlike a lot of closed off people. I believe we are all given guidance but opening our heart and soul is the key…your eye sight is limited and often clouded.
Since changing my diet and eating clean my thinking has become more clear and with that my emotions seem more balanced. I want to learn more about myself and what I am capable of and so I am setting of on an adventure of self exploration and discovery. I know what I want to be and it’s okay to change, in fact it’s a beautiful thing. To open my heart and accept people fully for who they are and find the compassion to help and heal them. Or at the very least make them feel better, more relaxed and happy.
I have signed up for massage school which is the first step toward a Holistic Healthcare Practitioner certification and I am excited. Scared to death but excited!! I am going to be putting myself out there to be judged and criticized daily in my learning and it will be a good thing because it will help me grow and be a better masseuse. I feel the positive energy all around me, guiding me and showing me the way. I love when things just fall into place.